In the last post we
discovered how the ego creates the shadow by rejecting anything we find
unacceptable. Now we’ll look at what we can do to heal the wounds that cause us
problems along the path to wholeness and awakening.
All sorts of things can
end up in the shadow – it’s not all bad. Even some of the bad stuff isn’t
really that bad, it’s just got twisted out of shape. When you suppress or
repress something, it doesn’t go away. It roams around in the darkness of your
unconscious feeling aggrieved and waiting for the opportunity to come back into
the light. In the meantime, it might grow a few heads, develop a limp, or
perhaps begin breathing fire.
It takes a lot of
energy to keep these rejected parts of yourself locked in the basement. You
have to be vigilant and watch for any infraction or daring escape attempts. And
the fact that you’re repressing stuff will have to be repressed too. It’s
exhausting!
Buttons, Triggers, and Hooks
Healing the shadow can
be a painful process. You’re forced out of your comfort zone to face feelings
and thoughts you’ve been avoiding most of your life. The fact that these hidden
elements were banished before you were aware of what you were doing, makes the
process even harder.
It’s difficult to catch
the shadow in action because it functions from the unconscious, but you can
find clues. Shadow contents often manifest through the body, either in your
attitude to it, or in psychosomatic illnesses. The body is often the first casualty of the ego’s quest for security.
When the mind begins to transcend the body, it can lead to a split if the
process goes wrong. The ego fears the body because it can’t control it
completely. The body is unreliable, it ages and dies, and the ego wants to live
forever. So your shadow may contain judgements against bodily functions or
parts of the body that make you feel ashamed or embarrassed.
You can also see the
shadow in your interactions with others or the environment because it works
through projection. Certain people
or situations may trigger reactions in you that you can’t control or
understand. Particular subjects may be ‘hot topics’ that hit your buttons and
set you off.
If you’re struggling to
imagine this, spend five minutes on any social network, or read the comments on
YouTube, and you’ll be eyeball deep in projection before you know it.
When you project, the
feelings and qualities that have been denied are still part of you and continue
to function, but you don’t recognise them as belonging to you. These disowned
qualities can’t be used because you think they’re not yours. By projecting onto
others you’re handing part of yourself, part of your life, over to them. You
give them your power and so become a victim of your own shadow. You’re then
trapped by denial into living less of a life. You’re no longer in control over
that part of your life and it will come back to bite you.
For example, you may think you never get angry. Anger
is bad and you never allow yourself to feel it. But everyone else will seem to
get angry with you, arguments explode in your face while you, an innocent
bystander, are perplexed by the whole thing. You may have relationships with
people who have ‘anger management issues’, or become the victim of verbal or
physical assaults. You may suffer from health complaints characterised by
stress, heat and inflammation, such as headaches, stomach ulcers or high blood
pressure.
Or you may think you’re not creative. You could never paint or write a
book, and you’re tone deaf. You’re sensible and rational. Artistic types baffle
you. They seem lost in their own world. Secretly you suspect they’re not to be
trusted, probably up to no good. You’re happy to plod down your narrow but well-worn
path, and it never occurs to you that there may be more to life than what you
can see and touch.
How can you tell if
you’re projecting something?
If you over-react to a person or situation, either negatively or
positively, you are projecting. You wouldn’t react so strongly if the
feeling or quality causing the reaction wasn’t also part of yourself.
“Projection on the Ego Level is very easily identified: if a person or thing in the environment informs us, we probably aren’t projecting; on the other hand, if it affects us, chances are that we are a victim or our own projections.” – Ken Wilber
This applies the other
way too. If someone reacts strongly to you, then they’re projecting. But don’t
feel too smug. If you react in turn, it means their projection has triggered
one of yours. The projection wouldn’t stick if you didn’t have a hook on which
to hang it. Again, visit Twitter to get your fill of these self-hating spirals
in action.
Becoming Whole
To heal the split in
your psyche and become whole you need to take back your projections. First you need to recognise that you’re
projecting something and take responsibility for it. This means getting
back in touch with the feelings or qualities involved and really feeling them
instead of running away. By allowing yourself to feel anger, for example,
without judgement, you can learn to accept that you’re doing this to yourself,
that the feeling belongs to you.
When you get back in
touch with the repressed feelings and qualities, you don’t necessarily have to
act them out. It depends what they are. Just because you feel like killing
someone doesn’t mean you should! But you don’t deal with that murderous rage by
denying it. You don’t deny that you feel it. The more you fight a feeling the worse it gets. This process is
about being aware of what you feel and who you are, without judgement or
denial. It’s only when you deny the reality of who you are that you’re prone to
acting it out or end up becoming its victim.
The shadow controls you
from the unconscious. Once it’s brought into the light of conscious awareness
it loses its power. It no longer has a hold over you and you have a more
inclusive sense of self. You’ve made a little bit more of the unconscious
conscious.
This process of self-acceptance and inclusion can take
years. There may be many layers to uncover, lots of pockets of darkness to
illuminate. It’s a gradual process of increasing self-awareness which allows
you to become whole. And as each part of the shadow is restored to
consciousness, you’ll have more energy, which you can plough back in to release
yet more hidden gifts.
Back to the examples.
If you’re sick of being used as a punch bag and tired of being shouted at, you
might begin to admit that sometimes you feel quite cross. In fact, you’re
livid! Finally, you take your anger and use it to stand up for yourself and
discover a self-respect and strength you never knew you had.
Or your predictable
world implodes into meaninglessness when you come up against a problem you
can’t solve using the tried and tested tools you already possess. You’re backed
into a corner and forced to start thinking creatively to imagine alternative
solutions. Finally, you risk stepping out of your comfort zone to try something
new and realise you’ve never felt more alive.
“If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.” – Gospel of Thomas
One final thought for
those on the spiritual path: If you think you can outrun your shadow or
obliterate it completely, think again. The
more light you have, the darker the shadow you cast. Sometimes you see too
far and too deep, and what you find is too horrifying to contemplate. We’ll
look at this later when we confront the reality of the Predator. But first we explore what happens when we begin to
transcend the ego in: Spiritual Crisis
First posted: http://jessicadavidson.co.uk/2015/04/16/evolution-of-consciousness-embracing-the-shadow/
