Recently I realised that I’d spent my whole life fighting
against the darkness. But my demons won’t die, no matter how many times I bash
them over the head. It’s exhausting. So I was open to trying anything that
might help when I came across the practice of Feeding Your Demons in the book of that name by Tsultrim Allione.
On the face of it, feeding demons doesn’t seem like a good
idea. Surely they’ll just fill their faces then go on a cake-fuelled rampage.
But this practice is about compassion and making friends with your shadow.
Apparently demons just want a hug.
Feeding your demons doesn’t make them stronger, but fighting
them does. When you deny parts of yourself and they fall into the shadow it
takes a lot of energy to keep them there. The demons don’t like being neglected
and so they push back against your repression. You have to keep a tight hold on
yourself to stop them breaking out. Hence the exhaustion.
When you feed your demons you’re nurturing parts of yourself
that have fallen into the shadow. This can have a transformative effect and
will unlock the energy you’ve been using to keep them repressed so you can
channel it into something more positive.
Demons can be anything that undermines or sabotages your
best intentions: like obsession, fear, chronic illness, depression, anxiety,
and addiction. These behaviours and negative emotions tend to operate from the
unconscious. You’re either aware of them and battle against them, or not aware
of them and end up surprised when things keep going wrong.
The practice of feeding your demons is a way to make friends
with something you’d rather avoid. You can move from fear and hatred to
tolerance, acceptance and integration by using compassion, dialogue and
understanding. There are similar practices in Western psychology, but this one
goes deeper because it’s based on the spiritual practice of recognising
emptiness and seeing through the nature of the self.
Chöd: the roots of the practice
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| Machig Labdron |
The process of feeding your demons described in Tsultrim
Allione’s book is a stripped down version of the ancient practice of Chöd which
comes from the Tibetan Buddhist tradition. There are various lineages of these
practices, but the one used in the book comes from Machig Labdron, an 11th century female teacher and the Mother of Chöd.
Chöd is pronounced “chuh” and it means ‘to cut through’.
It’s also known as “Cutting Through the Ego” and is based on the sutras of the
Prajnaparamita, which includes the well-known heart sutra. The Prajnaparamita
is a teaching on emptiness and interdependence and the fact that nothing
inherently exists. This gives us a clue as to how the practice works. It’s a
form of meditation that cuts through the conflict between opposites. If you can
see through the illusory nature of the battle between apparent enemies, like
you and your pesky demons, you can resolve the conflict and rest in inner
peace.
“To consider adversity as a friend is the instruction of Chöd.” – Machig Labdron
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| Chödpa |
Chöd combines Buddhist meditation and philosophy with
ancient Tibetan-Siberian shamanic rituals that include sky burials, the feeding
of corpses to vultures. The Chöd practitioner, or Chödpa, goes into a trance
and transforms their own body into nectar and journeys into the realm of spirits
to bless the demons and help them find liberation. The ritual uses a human
thighbone trumpet, a hand drum, curved knives and a skullcap for the nectar.
The body is offered as part of a tantric feast, but it’s
really about overcoming fear and attachment to the body and ego. The self is
dissolved so you can see through the illusion of duality and develop compassion
for all beings, whether good or evil.
“A good spirit is one which radiates love outwards from itself towards all others with whom it is concerned. And the ‘higher’ the type of spirit, the more it is intrinsically connected with all sentient beings. An evil spirit, on the other hand, is one which has become closed upon itself, isolated from the whole, and lives tightly turned inwards on its own neurosis. The tighter and darker becomes the suffering of that spirit, the more demonic its nature.
But according to the Adepts of Chöd, nothing is permanent. A spirit lost for a time in one of the hideous ‘lower realms’ of suffering, may always be healed (either through time itself, or by the intervention of the Chödpa) and gradually lifted up into the Light. Thus the work of the Chödpa, as of the saint who prays constantly for the welfare of others, is to transform spirits of darkness into angels of light.” – Gyalwa Karmapa
How to Feed Your Demons
The original Chöd practices are slightly different to the
meditation given in the book by Tsultrim Allione. She has simplified the
process into five steps which you can do on your own or with a partner, and you
don’t have to know anything about Buddhism or use a thighbone horn 😉. It’s a
practice you can incorporate into your life and use to overcome your fears and
blockages.
Personifying your fears as demons brings them into clearer
focus and can reveal new information about what lurks in your subconscious.
Demons don’t always behave the way you expect and the results can be
surprising. Sometimes these results are instant, but usually it’s gradual and
takes many sessions. The demons will change over time and perhaps different
demons will come up as you work through the layers of conditioning.
Machig Labdron identified four types of demons which I’ll
describe in another post. But for now, anything that stops you achieving
liberation and enlightenment is a demon. Even positive things can become a
problem if they stop you from letting go of your ego. So the ultimate demon is
the ego itself – your sense of being a separate self.
There may be many demons hanging around causing problems in
your life, so the first thing you need to do is decide which one you want to
feed. It might be wise to start with one of the smaller demons and work up to
the big fears, or if you’re feeling courageous you could just aim for the head
honcho and see what happens.
Here’s a basic description of the five step process. You can
see the full instructions on the Tara Mandala site here and can also download
the details for reference plus forms to help you track your demon work here.
Before you begin sit comfortably, close your eyes and meditate for a few
moments. The book encourages you to take nine relaxation breaths to let go of
any tension in your body, emotions and mind. You can then dedicate the practice
to the benefit of all beings. Then you begin the steps:
- First pick a demon and find where it’s held in your body.
- Then you personify the demon and see it take form in front of you. When it’s clear you can ask three questions: What do you want? What do you really need? How will you feel when you get what you need?
- Switch places and become the demon so you can feel what it’s like to be him or her. Then answer the questions as the demon.
- Return to your seat and see the demon opposite you again. Now you know what the demon needs, so you dissolve your body into a nectar that has that quality and feed it to the demon until it’s totally satisfied. At this point you may notice the demon transform into something else or another being may arrive. This could be the ally who will help you in some way. You can swop places with the ally and go through the questioning process again to find out exactly how it will help. Then return to your seat again and feel the ally’s energy pouring into you and imagine it dissolve into light. Allow yourself to dissolve into the light too.
- Finally, simply rest in awareness and slowly allow yourself to come back to your body.
There’s a lot more to it than I’ve included here as it’s
quite an intricate process, but it’s worth taking the time to learn the steps
and try it out.
A Ball of Fire
When I first did this I wasn’t sure what would happen. It
seemed complicated and I wasn’t sure it would work, but it released a burst of
emotional energy I hadn’t been aware of until then. I’d been struggling with
auto-immune problems and had a lot of inflammation in my body and it was causing
me problems, so I decided to work with that.
I located the inflammation demon in my right side where I
had a particularly sharp pain. The trouble was, by the time I’d done the nine
breaths and relaxed and dedicated the practice to all beings, I felt okay. So I
had to wriggle a bit and make myself uncomfortable so I could feel the pain and
then visualise what it looked like.
I got an image of a red spear that kept jabbing at me. The
hand holding the spear was amorphous, like it was made of fire, so I realised
the demon was a fireball. I asked the three questions and then changed places
with the demon.
At this point I was surprised that I wanted to cry. I had
expected the demon to be angry – and he was – but he was also incredibly sad.
He said he wanted me to burn. Then it all started to unravel and I struggled to
follow the steps because I couldn’t stop crying. Eventually the demon said, “I want you to be my friend.” My demon
was lonely. In answer to the third question he said that if I was his friend he
would feel accepted and understood. He did a bit of shouting about nobody
listening to him too.
I swopped places again and turned my tears into nectar and
imagined it was rain. The nectar rained down friendship and acceptance onto the
ball of fire. At first the water sizzled and turned to steam, but then it
started to make contact with the flames. The demon turned his face up to the
rain and smiled, then opened his mouth and stuck out his tongue to drink the
nectar. He started to giggle and skip and play in the rain, and slowly
transformed into a little girl with pigtail plaits (I wore my hair like that as
a kid). I asked if she was the ally and she solemnly shook her head.
That’s when it all went hazy. I waited for the ally to turn
up and felt something coming towards me, but then it was as if a wall of dust
and dirt was thrown up and I couldn’t see. There’s obviously another demon
behind that one that I need to turn my attention to, and I think I know what it
is. It could take a lot of feeding.
I highly recommend Feeding
Your Demons by Tsultrim Allione. The book contains lots of examples of
demons and shows how others have transformed themselves using this practice.
You can find out more here.
Images: Fireball; Chodpa; Machig Labdron
